I watched Centurion for “research” purposes earlier tonight and decided I should tweet about the experience as I went along.  Spoilers abound but check it out after the jump, if you are so inclined.

Watching the movie Centurion as “research”. Might update twitter as I do so. Be prepared for your socks to be sensibly removed…

Is it wrong that the fort looks like the one at Kiddypark, a playground I used to visit as a child?

Well, that’s one way to discourage using the world as your toilet.

Look, it’s the guy from The Wire! And he was totally putting on that American accent!

*blood* I’m going to do this every time there is a gratuitous use of corn syrup and food colouring.

I don’t know why I pretended like I didn’t know Wire guy was British. Totes knew that. Think I just like to mess with you guys 🙂

Naked Michael Fassbender. NOTHING wrong with that.

Except when they dunk his head in a bucket of water with a delightful hint of pee

*blood* Well, not really but it was the stump of an arm. Totally counts.

Do you think the chick, Etaine, sports the London look with Rimmel? Kate Moss eat your heart out.

Seriously, that is some awesome eyeliner

*blood!*

and it’s really fricking cold – poor Michael with his shirtlessness

throat *blood!*

Ohhh, Michael’s character’s dad was a gladiator who earned his freedom! That is so #RomanLady…well, not really but we can pretend, right?

David Morrissey!

And now the Romans marching along a road reminds me of Willow…does anyone remember that movie? *sigh* another childhood gem.

No Romans, don’t fall for the falling tree! It’s a trap!

Oh, they totally know it! Well done, Romans!

oh, and I’ve gone past 100 tweets. Well done me!

Balls of flame! Wonder how many takes they got? I’m going to go with one. Also, expensive.

*Blood!* *Blood!* More *Blood!* than we can poke a stick at!

Head cut in half at the cheek bone! Awesome!

You just can’t take this seriously, can you? And that is grand 🙂

Oh no, Michael! You are getting buried by the bodies of your fallen comrades! Do not say this is, quite possibly, how you manage to survive?

Why yes. Yes it is.

Needless to say, peeps, spoilers abound. Proceed with care!

Strange voiceover fun. I guess it’s not too superfluous.

I should probably call Michael by his character’s name. Hmm. Really can’t remember what it was. Quintus?

Titus?

Dectus?

Well, no, that just sounds like deckchair. That can’t be it.

Mickey from Doctor Who!

*Blood!* From the *cook* of all people!

Ohhhh, sneaky Romans hiding in the leaves!

*blood!* hack! gash! head removed from neck!

Seriously, Scotland is so pretty. *sigh* I would so love to go again.

Male bonding moment. Aw. They always involve a fire, don’t they?

Backstory alert! Etaine, poor lass.

*Blood!* but it’s night, so you can’t really see it.

*blood!*

Severed heads on pikes!

do you think people getting stabbed actually sounds like a shovel into packed earth? cos that’s what the sound effects sound like.

fyi, I’m really glad I have no idea what people getting stabbed sounds like. I’m quite happy to go my entire life without knowing.

Oh nos! We’ve had to abandon our Legatus! Devo! Or, as David Morrissey elegantly puts it, “F@ck”

Ohhh! Go Etaine! Slaughter Wire guy!

I’m probably going for the wrong side here.

You’re overextending Wire guy! Oh nos!

Yep, that did it. Bye bye, Wire guy.

You know what I like about this movie? Actions carry weight. It’s not just gratuitous violence-it’s all tied to emotion. Well, most of it.

The Picts are AWESOME

when hunting, they don’t stop to eat, sleep or do anything normal humans do.

At least, that’s what Michael tells us. In the I’m-not-convinced-it’s-necessary voiceover.

brb, peeps

Halfway, guys! are we in The Cave?

and no, i don’t mean an actual cave. sheesh. anyone read “the writer’s journey”?

hang on, is it called the Cave? must consult book…

My bad. It’s Approach to the Inmost Cave and then the Ordeal. All the snow could def be inmost cave stuff.

Also, Michael is questioning his abilities – Ordeal stuff!

You know what, I might reread the Writer’s Journey. Tis good stuff, after all.

Right. Must discover what Michael’s character’s name is. According to Wikipedia, Quintus Dias. Huh. Also, Etain spelt, uh, Etain.

I know *I* like to slaughter a deer and drink it’s blood for warmth. Also, stomach contents as food, yummy.

Well. That looked like it hurt

Why is it in chase movies set in the forest people always have to jump off a cliff into a river?

Is it wrong that I want Etain and Quintus to fall in love? If not love, then lust?

Seriously, Etain is awesome. And Quintus is Michael Fassbender

It’s absolutely BUCKETING down with rain on screen. Bet you that plaid havoc on set.

Separation has occurred! Fun for all the smaller Roman groups now!

No longer bucketing. So earlier in the shoot.

*blood!* It’s been awhile, I missed you.

I really like the font they have used for the subtitles.

Oh no, David Morrissey just got hurt!

*blood!* arrow in leg, really didn’t need to see that

you know, this bit with the wolves and the betrayal and the like, really kinda boring. I think I might skip. Don’t hate me.

Boring love interest alert.

I just realised I wrote “plaid” instead of “played” earlier. well done me.

Also, Michael’s German accent just bled through the English a bit there.

Look at that, his name really is Quintus Dias. It says so in the funky subtitles

Why does Arianne just *help* the Romans without question? Surely she should be wary? Or reluctant? Or something??

They have totally crashed her house, eaten her food and commandeered the whole area. Lady, have some sort of backbone!

This is why Etain is so much more awesome. Quintus+Etain 4-eva. Heh. Or just Etain kicking butt all over the place.

And I know it doesn’t end that way 🙁

And why does Arianne bait Etain? Did I miss something? I did, didn’t I?

See, this is what happens when I entertain you peeps instead of paying attention.

Okay, totally bored by this chick. I’m skipping again.

Ok ladies…If a Roman guy gives you, a Scottish outcast, a carved wooden horse, it’s love.

Yay! Salvation for the Romans in a fort!

Oh nos! No salvation. The Picts have TOTALLY DESTROYED IT.

Or maybe they’ve just decamped. Something is written on a conveniently placed note…Hadrian has ordered a retreat?

Meh, who cares. Big battle scene up next! Well, big battle between three Romans and three Picts!

Sorry, there’s about 9 Picts. Geez, Cassandra, get your facts straight.

And they have horsies!

And there’s bound to be…Wait for it…

Any minute now…

Waiting…

…Waiting…

Yes! *blood!*

There’s is a strange whizzing sound in the air. NO WAY do daggers make that noise.

Etain and Michael-whoops, Quintus-are fighting! See, love!

Okay, maybe not as he just killed her. Boo, Quintus! Etain rocks!

Oh, and about a minute ago *blood!*

Boring knife fight. Skip.

David Morrissey dies. Noooooo! cries Quintus. Noooooo! cries Cassandra also.

Stupid Roman sentry man and his pointy arrow.

Betrayal by Roman-in-charge dude! Oh no, poor Quintus.

Also, why is there a random woman in the tent? Is it just so she can trot the poison out?

Oh, no poison. It’s death by guard. The woman just gestures at them. Yeah, she was really necessary for that.

Also, *blood!*

Snow! I believe tis fake.

Or maybe it’s pollen. in which case, totally don’t want to hang out there. Imagine the hayfever.

Heh, major snowmachine action happening stage left.

And that’s it, peeps! Quintus ends up going AWOL and living with Scottish chick (he gave her a wooden horse, must be love).

Hope you enjoyed!

ps, the credits are just as awesome as the subtitles